Over My Head
by x17SkmBdrchiczxx
Summary: Heartache can bring even the strongest person down to a new low. Luckily, Kel has someone willing to raise her up again. One shot. K/N. Edited/re-loaded: 8/9/10


Song: Over My Head Cable

Artist: The Fray

IMPORTANT A/N: Yuki never came to Tortall. Neal and her are **not** betrothed. Thank you.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Tammy does.

Dedication: To all the people that were told they weren't good enough.

* * *

**I never knew****  
****I never knew that everything was falling through****  
****That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue****  
****To turn and run when all I needed was the truth****  
****But that's how it's got to be****  
****It's coming down to nothing more than apathy****  
****I'd rather run the other way than stay and see****  
****The smoke and who's still standing when it clears**

Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan sat quietly at her desk, lost in deep thought.

It had been almost three months since she had last saw her lover, Domitan of Masbolle, who was better known as Dom. The sergeant's company had been ordered by the King to return to Corus to recruit new men after the long and brutal war with Scanra.

Kel remained at New Hope to make sure it stayed firmly planted on it's feet. Her former training master and the head of Fort Steadfast, Lord Wyldon, did not want to take any chances with small bands of Scanran raiders still managing to weasel their way across the border. The war might have been officially declared over, but that did not stop some muddled brained Scanrans from seeking revenge for their country's defeat.

In all honesty, it was frustrating being separated from Dom for such a long period of time, but the Protector of the Small knew her duty and she could never in good conscious turn her back on the refugees when they needed her, especially after the ordeal with Blayce...

However, Lord Raoul had sent a letter to his former squire two weeks ago, bearing news that Dom and his company were returning to the north to assist with disbanding the sparse Scanran raiding parties. Kel, who was well known for holding back her emotions, could barely contain her joy at the message. Neal and Tobe had spent the last two weeks poking fun at her, but she didn't care in the slightest. Kel just couldn't wait to see _him_ again.

It was dawn when Kel woke up the next day. She immediately began her pattern drills with her glaive to release her nervous energy at the thought of Dom's arrival. The lady knight got so immersed that an hour had passed by with her barely noticing. It was only when she heard several voices down stairs that she snapped out of her trance.

Kel recognized a familiar chuckle and in a flash, she set down her glaive with her heart thumping in her ears and ran down the stairs. There was Dom, her lover, standing mud covered, talking to Neal with a serious expression.

"Kel, it's good to see you." Dom said in an uncharacteristically stiff tone. She moved closer to him waiting for a hug or even a kiss, but he announced abruptly, "Excuse me I need to tend to my horse."

Kel could only watch with confusion as her lover strode briskly out of New Hope's head quarters. Had she done something wrong? She shook her head. That couldn't be true. Dom showed no signs of anger towards her in his last letter. But, still it didn't make sense. Why wasn't Dom as enthusiastic as she was that they were finally reunited after so long?

The lady knight turned to her best friend for answers,

"Neal, is everything alright with Dom?"

New Hope's healer rubbed the back of his neck and looked uncomfortable as Kel had ever seen him.

"Uh, sorry Kel, I have to run too," he said evasively checking his watch. "One of the convicts has an early check up this morning and I can't be late. I'll see you later."

And with that he too was gone.

Kel rubbed her temples- something was up.

**Everyone knows I'm in  
Over my head  
Over my head  
With eight seconds left in overtime  
She's on your mind  
She's on your mind**

After greeting the clerks, who had entered head quarters immediately after Neal's departure, Kel went back upstairs to her room to wash up. She was admittedly still very puzzled. Dom was acting oddly, but now her oldest friend was too. The lady knight had a feeling in a pit of her stomach that something was really amiss. She just hoped she was wrong.

However, Kel's thoughts were disrupted by Tobe, who came running into the room.

"My lady, two of them townsfolk r' havin' a fight in the square," said her serving boy in his usual commoner drawl that Kel constantly tried to correct. "Somethin' bout a dog and attackin some chickens."

The lady knight sighed. _Fantastic_, she thought, _another thing to worry about._

"Thank you Tobe, I'll be right there," said Kel, using her years on the Yamani Islands to hide the frustration in her voice, before waving the boy off. He nodded and closed the door behind him, leaving Kel alone in her room.

She walked swiftly to her desk, which was over piled with paper work to retrieve her scabbard. The lady knight attached the scabbard to her belt, before she slipped her coveted sword, Griffin, into it. She knew she wouldn't need it, but some of the more rowdy refugees needed to be reminded at points that her weapon was there and she was more than capable of using it.

_Time to take care of business_, Kel thought wearily, holding back another sigh, before jogging down the stairs and towards the square.

* * *

Kel yawned and stretched her arms out as she made her way into the mess hall. It certainly had been a long day between keeping order between the refugees, weapon lessons with New Hope's children and starting some of her paperwork for Lord Wyldon.

The Protector of the Small was happy for the break and she decided to find her two favorite cousins inside the mess hall. Kel wanted to enjoy dinner with them, just like old times, where they'd swap insults and force Neal to eat his vegetables.

She gazed steadily around for Dom and Neal and after a few moments, spotted the two cousins. They were sitting at the corner table by themselves and both of them appeared to be engrossed in a deep discussion by the serious looks on their faces.

Paranoia rose up inside of the lady knight as the odd encounter between Neal, Dom and her that morning rushed back into her memory. She immediately began to wonder what they could possibly be discussing and hoped it didn't involve her. Kel knew that she was acting stupid- for the gods sakes she was starting to act like a court lady who believed that everything revolved around her- but her insecurities had won her over and she began to approach the cousin's table at a slightly faster speed than normal.

Neal and Dom wore facial expressions that only increased her paranoid feelings. The healer looked angrier than she had ever seen him, while the sergeant donned a hardened look that was quite unnatural for him.

"Hey guys, what's wrong?" Kel asked lightly, trying to break up some of the tension that had settled over the table. She sat down next to her best friend and joked halfheartedly, "Did Dom order you to eat your vegetables, Meathead? Is that why you look fit to be tied?"

Neal didn't reply and instead, he just glared fiercely at Dom.

"I have to go,"

The knight got up abruptly and exited the mess hall with small, quick steps that showed his fury.

"Is Neal alright?" Kel asked, staring after her best friend.

"Yeah, Meathead will live. He's just in a bad mood," Dom told her, not looking up from his soup.

"Oh," Kel said. The lady knight had a feeling that he was lying, but instead of pressing the matter, she let a long, awkward silence fall between them. What in Mithros' name was going on? Why were both cousins acting so strangely?

Dom suddenly rose from his chair.

"Kel, after dinner, could you come to my room?" the sergeant asked, while running his hand through his dark hair in a nervous fashion.

The lady knight let her Yamani mask slip firmly into place before replying,

"Of course Dom, I'll see you then,"

Kel let her lover walk away before she allowed herself to frown.

**Let's rearrange  
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage  
Just say that we agree and then never change  
Soften a bit until we all just get along  
But that's disregard  
You find another friend and you discard  
As you lose the argument in a cable car  
Hanging above as the canyon comes between**

An hour later, Kel was standing outside of Dom's door. As a sergeant, he had his own room in New Hope's barracks, so they would have plenty of privacy when they talked. The lady knight, who had faced down numerous killing machines, immortals and a necromancer, actually had to take a deep breath to calm her own nerves before knocking on her lover's door.

_This was it._

Dom opened the door with a calm expression on his face, which only mad Kel feel uneasy.

"Commander, please come in." said the blue eyed sergeant and extended his arm, allowing her to walk in.

The lady knight couldn't help, but gape slightly at her long time friend and lover. When had he ever addressed her in such a matter? Kel couldn't even remember.

"When did you start going all formal on me Dom?" Kel asked sternly with her hands on her hips. It wasn't in her habit to let her emotions get the best of her, but after an entire day of strange behavior from her lover, she was at her wit's end.

"Well," the sergeant's gaze switched to the floor. He wasn't even brave enough to look her in the eye, "ever since I discovered that I don't have feelings for you anymore, Kel."

Kel closed her own eyes in an attempt to push away the pain caused by her own heart shattering. She should have known this was coming. Their relationship was just too good to be true in the first place. She was surprised that such a handsome man could love a hideous, musclewoman like her for so long. It was unnatural.

"Kel I'm really sorry," Dom told her. His voice was sincere, but it still didn't numb the pain he had inflicted upon her, "When the Third Company returned to Corus, I met this court lady named Natalie and she's really nice and-"

"Very pretty too, I assume." Kel snapped, before she could stop herself.

_I am stone. I am stone. I am stone. I am stone, _she kept repeating in her head to reign in her emotions, but the anger continued to course through her veins. It was overwhelming the lady knight, making it hard for her to breathe.

"Well, yeah," said Dom. He was now scuffing his boot against the floor. "And it's just I want to court her."

Kel gazed upon the sergeant with cold hazel eyes.

"So, you needed to get rid of me," the lady knight retorted, still seething.

Dom's silence told her enough.

"I should have known I would never be good enough for you," Kel growled, only her Yamani training was now preventing her from screaming at her ex-lover. "I should have known I was just a temporary play thing, while you were stuck up here in the wilderness," the lady knight dug her nails into her palms to prevent herself from hitting his handsome face. "You really have no idea how much I despise you right now Domitan of Masbolle."

"Kel wait!" Dom shouted, but the fuming lady knight had already run from the sergeant's room and had slammed the door behind her, hard.

**Everyone knows I'm in  
Over my head  
Over my head  
With eight seconds left in overtime  
She's on your mind  
She's on your mind**

Kel kept her Yamani mask firmly plastered on as she ran towards head quarters. She didn't want the soldiers or the villagers to see her cry. The lady knight could just hear the relentless insults in her ears, if that ever occurred.

Neal was sitting down stairs in head quarters, reading a book, when she came tumbling in with her lump face. Without even greeting her best friend, she immediately headed straight upstairs to her room. She desperately needed to be alone.

"Kel, he did it, didn't he?" Neal asked, springing up from his seat and grabbing her arm trying to prevent her from running away.

"Oh, so you knew about it too?" Kel asked in an uncharacteristic bitter tone. "You knew that Dom was going to leave me for some court lady."

"Kel, I only found out this morning. I swear," Neal said in desperation, trying to redeem himself. "I didn't want to be the one to tell you because I didn't want to be the one to break your heart." His grip on her arm became tighter. "I hate him right now as much as you do," he added darkly.

"Just leave me alone Neal," Kel said shaking her best friend's hand off her arm. "I don't want to cry in front of you," she added in a whisper that made Neal cringe.

She then left his presence swiftly and slammed her bedroom's door behind her.

**Everyone knows I'm in  
Over my head  
Over my head  
With eight seconds left in overtime  
She's on your mind  
She's on your mind**

Neal wanted to tear after her, but a sensible part of him held him back. He knew Kel needed some time alone to collect herself. His best friend was never one to display emotions so openly and she would just be embarrassed if he caught her crying.

The healer sighed, realizing he would never be able to get anymore reading done with thoughts of Kel dominating his mind. So, he put down his book and returned to his room to think further there.

Neal sat down on his own bed and ran his hands through his hair, thinking about what he had just heard when he passed by the lady knight's bedroom. The sound of her weeping was quite audible despite her obvious attempts to cover it up. Just the mere noise had made his blood boil and he suddenly had the desire to pound out all his anger on his stupid cousin's face.

He couldn't believe Dom of all people would be the one to bring his best friend to this lowly state. In all his years, Kel had never once shed a tear in front of him. Not when Joren and his cronies beat on her in their page days, not when that nasty knight tried to run her through during their josting competition and not even when she discovered New Hope's ghastly state after it had been destroyed by Blayce's men.

The woman was like a rock, but apparently her heart didn't have the strength to cope with this latest attack by the man that she had come to love. Keladry of Mindelan had been finally brought to tears and it sickened Neal.

All the young knight really knew was that Dom would pay for breaking her heart. He would damn sure make sure of that.

**And suddenly I become a part of your past  
I'm becoming the part that doesn't last  
I'm losing you and its effortless  
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground  
In the throw around  
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down  
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves**

Kel sat stoned face behind her desk. She had stopped crying over Dom a few hours ago and was now keeping her mind off of things by finishing her paper work for Wyldon. Even though her face might have been motionless, her hazel eyes still portrayed all of her feelings. Anger, despair, sadness, and even self hatred swirled around.

_I just want_ _to scream,_ Kel thought, clenching her fist tightly around her quill. _ I swore that everything was going so well with Dom, but I was wrong this entire time. I should have known that this could only be a temporary thing. He wanted someone to warm his bed until he got back to Corus with the 'real ladies'. How could I think for a second that he would want a woman like me who commands over refugees and uses a sword, rides a horse and shoots arrows better than most men? How could I be so stupid? _

Kel was still working on the documents that were due to be sent out to Wyldon the next day, when the clock stroke midnight.

_Normal women don't have to fill out paper work until midnight,_ Kel thought. She was never insecure about her looks as a girl, but the heart ache was making her become filled with self resentment for the first time in her life. _Nope, they get their beauty sleep. That's why Dom could never love me. I'm not beautiful enough._

Suddenly, memories of Joren telling her that she would never find a husband if continued with her ambitions to become a knight, came rushing back into her mind.

_I guess he really was right,_ Kel thought, visibly deflating. _I guess I will never be truly loved by a man. After all, what kind of man would want this war scarred, ugly, excuse for a woman like me?_

That is when Kel began to let the tears flow. The tears that were never shed when Joren and his friends beat her up for being the 'Yamani Lump'; the tears that she never shed when she thought that she would have to repeat her four years as a page; the tears that she never shed for seeing so many of her friends die in battle. All of those tears were now flowing out from her long withholding and hardened Yamani mask.

The mask had subsequently shattered into a million pieces, just like her own heart had and it was all because of one man, who she believed truly loved her. He was the man that she thought she had a chance of living happily ever with, to even start a family with. Dom was supposed to be the _one_.

_I am such a fool._

Kel flopped down on her bed and she planned to spend the rest of the night sobbing into her pillow.

She had at least fifteen years of tears that needed to be shed. They were way over due.

**Everyone knows I'm in  
Over my head  
Over my head  
With eight seconds left in overtime  
She's on your mind  
She's on your mind**

The bell tolled at midnight and New Hope's resident healer, Sir Nealan of Queenscove, was still awake. He would have liked to say it was because he was enjoying his novel or because he had become caught up in writing a letter to his younger sister or mother, but the twenty five year old had a bleaker reason for his loss of sleep.

Neal couldn't stop thinking of his best friend. He tried to close his eyes to give himself a momentary peace, but all he could see was images of her- laughing, fighting, instructing the refugee children on weapons. Kel was truly one of the most beautiful people he had ever met in his entire life- inside and out- and the knight was disgusted at his cousin for not being able to see that.

_How could Dom let her go for a court lady?_ Neal thought sourly. _Didn't he realize how amazing she is? My cousin is such a dunderhead._

The healer's thoughts were interrupted, when he heard the creaking of floor boards across the hall in Kel's room.

_Was she still awake at this hour?_ Neal thought curiously.

He rose from his bed and opened the door. Sure enough, the candles were still burning in Kel's room and Neal heard an odd sound coming from her room. The healer crept closer until his ear was pressed against the door.

What he heard only made him shake with rage. Kel was still crying.

Neal decided to act and comfort his best friend. His cousin wasn't going to make her shed any more tears tonight. He would make sure of that.

The knight opened the door slowly, trying to make little noise as possible. He did not want to give his best friend warning of his arrival. She would just secure that cursed Yamani mask onto her face and insist that everything was fine, before he could get to the bottom of things.

What Neal saw inside the lady knight's room made his chest constrict painfully. Kel was sobbing into her pillow, broken heartedly. He couldn't believe how hurt his best friend really was by the breakup. Kel was one of the strongest people he knew. She _never_ shed any tears.

The healer took a step towards the lady knight, who suddenly perked up at the sound of the creaking floorboards. She turned towards him instantly, her hazel eyes were sharp and alert-a testament to her training and the true warrior that dwelled inside of her- and for a quick second, he thought Kel was going to attack him.

"Neal," she whispered, wiping the tears from under her eyes hastily in a poor attempt to cover them up. The woman was so hard headed sometimes. Did she really think she was deceiving him? "What are you doing here? It's past midnight. You should be in bed."

"Kel," he flashed her a no-nonsense look, before taking a seat at the end of her bed, and then continued in a serious tone, "you're well aware by now that I might be a Meathead, but I'm no fool. I know you've been crying."

"So what if I have," said Kel, in an uncharacteristic admittance of even possessing emotions, before sticking out her chin defiantly. "It's not going to change anything. Dom still loves _her_ and not me, and I am still as hideous as Jump."

_How could she even think that? Was she blind?_

"Kel, first of all there is nothing uglier than that dog, though your horse's soul might take second place," Neal was pleased that he managed to get a smile out of his best friend, "And secondly, you my dearest Protector of the Small are far, far, far away from being ugly."

"Well, he," Kel couldn't even bear to say his name, "implied that I am."

Neal hid his clenching fists in his lap. Dom was _so_ going to pay.

"Well, then he's crazy," the healer shot back.

"No he isn't," Kel whispered disdainfully and Neal was shocked how insecure his best friend was acting. The heartache she was suffering through seemed to replace the once strong young woman with a teenage girl. "Don't you see that he's right Neal? No one on this entire planet thinks I am beautiful and they never will."

The knight's heart beat suddenly sped up. After all of these years, this was finally his chance to tell her how he thought she was the most beautiful people he had ever had the fortune of meeting in his entire life. He knew Kel better than anyone and he was certain that this admittance would frighten her, but it was now or never, right?

"I do," said Neal softly.

Kel's head suddenly jerked up and she gazed at him with hazel eyes that were puffy and red from crying. Just as he thought, the look on her face was a look of fear. Neal knew she suspected that he was lying just to make her feel better.

"And I'm not lying," he added firmly and confirmed the truth by pressing his lips softly to hers. It felt almost _too_ right. "I swear by Mithros to you."

"N-Neal I just don't want to be hurt again." Kel muttered, her face was now beet red, while her voice was quivering. "I thought Dom and I had a future together and-"

Neal cut across her.

"Keladry of Mindelan I promise you, as long as I live, I will never stop loving you," Neal declared, before kissing her again, this time more deeply. He was happy to feel that his best friend returned the kiss just as vigorously.

Neal was no seer and people might say that he had the bad habit of being a tad bit dramatic, but he had a feeling that this was the beginning of something amazing.

**Everyone knows  
She's on your mind**

Soon, Neal returned to his own rooms, in much higher spirits. He was able to crawl under the cover of his own bed without having too many turbulent thoughts that prevented him from doing so before.

It was during those last few moments, the ones he had before he was about to drift into a deep sleep, when he realized that the only person or thing that was on his mind then was her.

Neal was certain that she always would be.

* * *

Edited and re-uploaded 8/9/10


End file.
